Why live?

When we are so small, so insignicant. Our presence is the mere result of a chain of casualties... We're nothing to the Universe... are we?
I guess you could say you can live to be happy. I think it's most people's choice, but it doesn't really satisfy me. Sure, you're happy, and? That's it? Like happiness could be "achieved" - real & absolute happiness is only felt rarely and for a very short time. It gets mixed with other ugly ingredientes later.. However, I think people are happy when they feel fulfilled. If they feel fulfilled after doing 'productive' things, then I guess living could be useful, at least to that person & the ones close to him/her. Why does living have to be useful? Why does everything have to 'useful'? Why can't things just.. be? And if people are happy when they are fulfilled.. that feeling also lasts for a short time- they're hungry for more then. So people would never be completely fulfilled, meaning that in a way, they'd live forever, because they'd never die, they'd never reach that objetive of happiness.
They would have been wrong from the start.

So... again: Why live?

...I really wish I didn't have these thoughts sometimes...

Will you love me when I'm gone..? ♫

I thought I'd finally understood why he loved me, but.. really.. sometimes I think I'll die alone. Who would like to lie with something like me? I know he does, right..? I think.. I believe him when he tells me things, but when he's not with me anymore, I can't help but doubt it.. especially after my attitudes..

Love.

I love you.

You're perfect to me.

- Could you please tell me what the fuck is perfect about me? That I'm jealous, questioning, full of fears, that I-
- Yes.

You're all I ever wanted.




...and still, I just can't get through my head what the hell is so great about me. Why he loves me and not someone else. There're so many better girls than me.. prettier, funnier, whatever.. I'm not 'arguing' against his loving me, obviously, but.. why me? Why not someone else? I don't get it. I know I'm quite crazy and abnormal, no-one can deny that.. but that doesn't make me worth of him or of his love. I'm jealous, complicated, impatient, lazy, boring, & so much more.. why and how can he not just bear with me, but actually want me?

I miss you.

I've already 'used' that song, but whatever... I miss you <3
Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow... I need tomorrow to be today!

If I lay here...

If I just lay here
would you lie with me
and just forget the world...?

Risks.

So, I guess I'm not worth taking a risk, uh...? Well, what did ever make me think that I was worth it? Oh, wait, you. With all due respect, fuck you.
I know that wishing for something is never the same than having it right in front of you, but.. you could've started doubting a little sooner... you could've thought twice before saying all that stuff, if in the end, you were still gonna doubt it...
at least my self-esteem is where it belongs now :) (nowhere)

Hugs.

I had never, ever, in my whole life, asked for one. Now I have done so, twice, not directly, but I have.. and he gave me one, so he owes me another one now.
I spent so many years wishing for someone to give me one.. but I could never ask for one, I'm not sure why.
Anyway, the point is.. I spent so much time longing for one, and I felt like it never came.. and now that it did... shit, it was worth the wait. And that was only one.

How do you do it...?

How do you do it?
Make me feel like I do
How do you do it?
It's better than I ever knew
Meet me in outerspace
I will hold you close,
If you're afraid of heights


...You're a mountain that
I want to climb
not to conquer
but to share in the view...

Funny that Incubus (and not another band) reflects so apropiately my feelings :)
We're going at a really slow pace, but.. I guess I can keep up to it. Even if it can be frustrating, I guess we're going in the right direction... and it'd be totally worth the patience & time it seems it'll take.

You do something to me...

...that I can't explain...
...so would I be out of line...
...if I said... I miss you...?



I want to get close to him... but I'm scared, I'm afraid...
I have no experience in this at all and yet I'm expecting so much.. I think my standards are too high for anyone, really.. but if it's not him, then who...? I didn't think there'd ever be someone before meeting him, so I shouldn't think this way.. But really, it's so rare.. I don't want to ruin this... He makes me smile.. at anytime.. but what if when he really gets to know me, he doesn't want me anymore? What if there's no 'dark side' to him? I know, we've all got it... but he just seems so simple, so happy.. probably because I barely know him.. but what if I ruin him..? I don't want to make mistakes, I don't want to hurt him or do anything wrong with him.. but there's no way I won't make any mistakes..
...I don't like this... I just want to see him and hear him laugh and be happy with him.. but I'm probably asking for too much... why the hell would someone like me deserve someone like him? I'm just so wrong, while he's so right...
I wish I could see him again.. I need to find some excuse, something really tempting that he can't refuse... I don't know what to do.. I want to tell him, but face-to-face, I'm sick of being a coward.. but even if I see him, will I be able to tell him? I'm so stupid.. I don't even have a right to like him, and yet I can't help it.. I can't see how anyone could...


- I've got a really great compliment for you, and it's true.
- ...I'm so afraid you're about to say something awful.
- Don't be pessimistic, it's not your style. Okay, here I go: Clearly, a mistake. I've got this, what - ailment? My doctor, a shrink that I used to go to all the time, he says that in fifty or sixty percent of the cases, a pill really helps. I *hate* pills, very dangerous thing, pills. Hate. I'm using the word "hate" here, about pills. Hate. My compliment is, that night when you came over and told me that you would never... well, you were there, you know what you said. Well, my compliment to you is, the next morning, I started taking the pills.
- I don't quite get how that's a compliment for me.
- You make me want to be a better man.

Qué bronca...

Deberías ser vos el muerto, no él.

Lo último que te merecés es una bonita jubilación, un buen dinero por mes, unas lindas vacaciones y cada tanto una feliz visita. Tendrías que estar en el infierno, pudriéndote poco a poco bajo la tierra.
Pero no, estás acá para seguir cagando vidas... Lo bueno es que esta vez la jodiste a la otra perra. Qué lindo, pero qué lindo saber que ella también cobró por sus forradas y, mejor aún, de tu parte. A ver si así aprende un poco...
Y no sé, supongo que como le tocó a ella, ya te va a tocar a vos ;)

Menos mal que nadie es inmortal. No puedo esperar a escupir tu tumba.


Y no, sabés qué? Aunque vos y tu asquerosa gente piensen que así van a lograr derrumbar más de una década de trabajo, tengo la perversamente feliz noticia de que NO, cerrar la empresa no va a quitar todo ese trabajo. Porque soy su hija, porque mamá me va a seguir contando como se rompió el orto laburando por lo que quería y cómo LO LOGRÓ. Cerrar la empresa no es algo más que económico, burocrático... Su fuerza, su esfuerzo, su valentía, quedan en mi mamá, en mis hermanos, en mí, en todos los que lo conocimos. ¡NO LOGRÁS NADA!