Why live?

When we are so small, so insignicant. Our presence is the mere result of a chain of casualties... We're nothing to the Universe... are we?
I guess you could say you can live to be happy. I think it's most people's choice, but it doesn't really satisfy me. Sure, you're happy, and? That's it? Like happiness could be "achieved" - real & absolute happiness is only felt rarely and for a very short time. It gets mixed with other ugly ingredientes later.. However, I think people are happy when they feel fulfilled. If they feel fulfilled after doing 'productive' things, then I guess living could be useful, at least to that person & the ones close to him/her. Why does living have to be useful? Why does everything have to 'useful'? Why can't things just.. be? And if people are happy when they are fulfilled.. that feeling also lasts for a short time- they're hungry for more then. So people would never be completely fulfilled, meaning that in a way, they'd live forever, because they'd never die, they'd never reach that objetive of happiness.
They would have been wrong from the start.

So... again: Why live?

...I really wish I didn't have these thoughts sometimes...

Will you love me when I'm gone..? ♫

I thought I'd finally understood why he loved me, but.. really.. sometimes I think I'll die alone. Who would like to lie with something like me? I know he does, right..? I think.. I believe him when he tells me things, but when he's not with me anymore, I can't help but doubt it.. especially after my attitudes..

Love.

I love you.

You're perfect to me.

- Could you please tell me what the fuck is perfect about me? That I'm jealous, questioning, full of fears, that I-
- Yes.

You're all I ever wanted.




...and still, I just can't get through my head what the hell is so great about me. Why he loves me and not someone else. There're so many better girls than me.. prettier, funnier, whatever.. I'm not 'arguing' against his loving me, obviously, but.. why me? Why not someone else? I don't get it. I know I'm quite crazy and abnormal, no-one can deny that.. but that doesn't make me worth of him or of his love. I'm jealous, complicated, impatient, lazy, boring, & so much more.. why and how can he not just bear with me, but actually want me?

I miss you.

I've already 'used' that song, but whatever... I miss you <3
Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow... I need tomorrow to be today!

If I lay here...

If I just lay here
would you lie with me
and just forget the world...?

Risks.

So, I guess I'm not worth taking a risk, uh...? Well, what did ever make me think that I was worth it? Oh, wait, you. With all due respect, fuck you.
I know that wishing for something is never the same than having it right in front of you, but.. you could've started doubting a little sooner... you could've thought twice before saying all that stuff, if in the end, you were still gonna doubt it...
at least my self-esteem is where it belongs now :) (nowhere)

Hugs.

I had never, ever, in my whole life, asked for one. Now I have done so, twice, not directly, but I have.. and he gave me one, so he owes me another one now.
I spent so many years wishing for someone to give me one.. but I could never ask for one, I'm not sure why.
Anyway, the point is.. I spent so much time longing for one, and I felt like it never came.. and now that it did... shit, it was worth the wait. And that was only one.